Whatever provoked me to take those last two pilates classes, may the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY strike those provocations down. I am a cripple today. I’m thinking about going to the City Hall and getting the cripple pass for parking. I’m 100% positive they wouldn’t question my deficiency. Seeing me walk is like watching Grandma with the hip replacement and arthritic knees moving around. And to add insult to injury, I sound like Grandma (probably after she died) since I have a slight case of laryngitis. And when I say slight case, my dear friend JC says “you sound like a dying cow.” To put it in his words. And then to just really beat a dead horse (because why stop now when you’re on a roll) everything itches! Like crazy! All those nerve endings dying like I was talking about in my last post? Yeah. Happening. RIGHT NOW. Because my whole body is going to implode into itself if I can’t attach it permanently to the brush side of a hairbrush. The redness in my hooters has barely dulled. But my back itches like a dog in a flea circus.
I’m thinking about going back to the tanning salon tomorrow… I might put it off until Tuesday, though. Maybe sunburn is like a hangover–the best way to cure a hangover is to drink some more. Maybe a good way to cure the itchiness from a dying sunburn is to burn the skin some more. Did I mention the odor that’s released from my skin after the “tan?” I figure it’s what I would smell like if I ever got caught in a fire. I mean, really though. What could it be? I’ve never smelled anything like it. It’s not B.O. It’s gotta be my hair burning, or my skin. Sprays and lotions don’t hide it. I actually have to go home and wash the odor off. I can’t just go to the tanning salon and then go to work or school. That would be gross. Seriously.
So back to pilates. I love pilates. Love it. But really, I should not give it up. Because what happens is exactly this. I stop pilates, and then when I get the urge to start back up, everything is sore, nothing works… I look like a giant mess moving around on the floor, kicking my legs and trying to sit up. I really don’t wonder what it must look like to see me do pilates right now. I swear it must not look like I’m sitting straight when I am. It’s all this… weight (to be nice) around my middle and back… And I can’t fold in half because of this weight. It’s kind of funny.
Seriously though, I really need to stick with it this time. I’m heavier now than I was after giving birth (5 years ago). My weight has been a constant struggle. Up down, up down. I’d love to say it was a balance like yin and yang (can’t have one without the other). But. The up goes up a lot and the down… not so much. I have a membership to weight watchers… I’ve skipped at least 3 meetings in the past 4 weeks. I should go tomorrow on my way to the laundromat. One of these days I’m going to feel like myself again.
